Tuesday, November 15, 2011

My Name is Hinzmann...

Blogger's note, this was found as a word document saved on my computer from when I allowed our intern to use it. It was not intended for public reading, but I had to share it, because that's the kind of guy I am. The photos are also my own addition.

Dear Journal,
   I've been an intern here at The News-Herald for a couple of months now, it's been a pretty trying experience. Most of the staffers are pretty cool, though few actually talk to me. There are these two reporters, well one reporter and one web editor, they just heckle and tease me constantly. Sometimes when I leave the office, I'm almost in tears.

   Other than just making fun of me, they hide my things, steal my food, and then once, they even made me go costume shopping and try on dozens of Halloween costumes. The worst part of that was that not only did they post them all on the website, but one of me as a penguin was used on the front page of the Sunday paper.

   Now all of my co-workers at my paying job keep making fun of me, they even laminated a copy and keep it on the fridge in the break room.
   Then the worst thing ever happened, I hadn't screwed up in hours and things were going well. I went out with Dave to help him shoot video, all went well. I was awesome in that I only messed up twice, a new record for me while out on assignment. That's when it happened.
   I somehow, somewhere lost the video camera on my way from the parking lot to the car, or from the car to the building. I searched for hours and hours, and never found a trace of it. I'm now very worried that I'm gonna get fired, and I don't even get paid. It makes me sad.
   I wish that they would forgive me, but I know I have to be the worst intern ever. I can't even hold onto a camera while sitting in a car. Somehow I'll find a way to make this up to Big Dave, I yearn for his approval. Once he accepts me, I'll work on Rene, I'm sure once I figure out how to copy and paste a link all will be well with her.
   Thanks for listening journal, you're the only one that gets me.
My name is Dennis Hinzmann

This blog post is 100 percent fictional. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely intentional and he knows it.


  1. So, when does the film adaptation come out and what's the bet Michael Cera will play the lead?

  2. The Real Dennis HinzmannNovember 15, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    Completely and utterly fabricated. Untrue and untrustworthy.

  3. Some of that is true, but I didn't write it. I can't figure out how he knew what I was thinking.

  4. I'm in negotiations for the movie deal Mr. Blue.